Sex Talk: Are You Ready To Start Your Celibacy Journey? Here’s How To Find Out

Are you over having sex? If the idea of having sex doesn’t turn you on or don’t want to be bothered, you might be considering celibacy. According to sex therapist Chanta Blue, celibacy can be an excellent space for people who feel they need to quiet out the noise of others. “The practice of celibacy is an intentional goal someone sets for themselves. Most people use the time to focus on their mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and sometimes professional goals. Many people have different definitions of the limitations of celibacy. Some people remove all physical contact, including kissing and masturbation. While others still indulge in self-pleasure but stay abstinent from romantic connections. Celibacy can last as long as you need it to be purposeful,” she told ESSENCE.

According to another sex therapist, Jenifer Smith, celibacy can be defined as the intentional abstaining from marriage and sexual activity. “It’s one of those practices that varies based on who you ask. Because it’s so deeply personal and should be made based on what feels suitable for the individual, it may encompass different practices, including abstaining from any romantic relationships as well as abstaining from solo and partnered sex. Based on the person’s values, beliefs, and life goals, celibacy can be a great tool to align with their desired lifestyle,” she said.

Here are some benefits to celibacy and reasons why it may be time to utilize this practice:

Time and Energy: Let’s face it, being in romantic or sexual relationships requires a large amount of our attention. The emotional investment, communication, compromise, and physical intimacy it takes to maintain a connection with a partner can leave a person with limited time and energy to explore their needs, wants, and desires. Practicing celibacy can increase the time and energy a person can focus on their goals.

Focus and Productivity: With that increase in time and energy, celibacy allows people to channel that energy and focus into other areas of their lives, such as career, personal development, family/friend relationships, or hobbies.

Self-Exploration and Identity: Celibacy allows folks to explore their own identity, desires, and values without the influence of intimate relationships. In an intimate relationship, your partner’s opinions and life circumstances can cloud your perspective on your worldview and how you want to show up. Celibacy can provide the clarity you need to learn exactly who you are and want to be.

Signs you may be ready for celibacy:

Desire for Personal Growth: If you have a strong desire to focus on personal growth, career advancement, or spiritual development without the distraction of romantic relationships

Emotional Well-being: If intimate relationships often lead to emotional turmoil, toxic conflicts, or total dissatisfaction with how your relationship is structured, celibacy might offer a sense of emotional stability and contentment.

Connecting with a Higher Power: Many religious and spiritual traditions advocate celibacy to deepen one’s connection to one’s faith or spiritual practice. It can be seen as a form of discipline and a way to cultivate inner peace and spiritual enlightenment. People with a deeper desire to connect with their higher power may choose celibacy to explore their spiritual growth further.

So what if you’ve already determined that you’re ready to start your celibacy journey? How do you begin? Here are some tips to help you through your journey from Dr. Jacqueline Sherman:

Know Your Why: With any critical decision we make, it is vital to understand why we have made that decision for ourselves. This will help us to better accomplish our goal. The choice to be celibate can be related to various factors (i.e., religion, relationship status, sexual health, self-care, etc.), and to feel confident in that decision, it is best to spend some time exploring why you value celibacy. Try using journaling prompts to help clarify why the decision is essential to you. By journaling, you will gain confidence in your decision as you reflect on your inner thoughts.

Some examples of journaling prompts include:

Celibacy is important to me because _______.
While celibate, I will focus on ________.
When feeling sexual during my celibacy journey I plan to _______.
I will end my celibacy practice when _______.

Create a Sexual Self-Care Routine: Celibacy is the perfect time to create a sexual self-care routine! A sexual self-care routine helps you become intentional about connecting to your sexual self. It is also an act of self-love and will boost your sexual confidence. This practice will make you feel more empowered and aware of your body and pleasure.

Here’s the blueprint.

Pick one day a week to focus on your sexual self-care.
Plan your solo pleasure (i.e., listen to an erotic audio story, masturbate, spend the day naked at home, journal about what turns you on and off, make a list of your sexual fantasies, write about the best sex you’ve ever had, etc.).
Add this sexual self-care date to your calendar.
Rinse and repeat each week.

Seek Support: If you are intensely interested in being celibate, having support can be a game-changer! Try to find other like-minded women to support you through this journey. This will require you to practice vulnerability by vocalizing your decision to be celibate. You will be surprised by how many people will appreciate you for being forthcoming about your decision. This will allow others to help you navigate challenges during your celibacy practice. If you are worried about confidentiality, this may be a great time to seek therapy. Your therapist can help you process your decision to practice celibacy and offer support along the way.

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